INTP: *gets up in the middle of the night, walks into the closet door*

INTP: Hi.

INTP: I know what a ping-pong ball feels like.

INTJ: *laughs hysterically, gets on the internet*

. . .

INTP: Are you putting this on the blog.

INTP and INTJ are trying to watch a movie. INTP has found a clothespin. The INFJ has tricked them into putting it on their ear.

INTJ: You're sitting on the chocolates again like last night. They're going to melt.

INTP: Yep.

INTJ: And there's a clothespin on your ear.

(movie): ''I feel like I'm back at the Green Dragon, putting my feet up on a settle after a hard day's work.'' ''You've never done a hard day's work.''

INTJ: Oh look, that's us.

INTP: *cackles* *does not remove clothespin*

INTJ: If I'd realized you were so easily entertained I'd have just handed you a clothespin and not bothered with the movie.

INTJ is on pain medication, staring at a spoonful of neon blue jello hovering in front of their eyes with a spacey smiley expression: "Look at it! Look at it move! It just jiggles!"

The INTP, having as little experience eating jello as the INTJ, glances over with a smirk and a laugh, watching the phenomenon. Though mildly amused by the dessert's interesting consistency, due to an unfortunate childhood incident involving blood red jello and the feeling of it coming back up your throat and projectile vomiting it all over the rug they have no desire to try eating more.

The INTJ continues to stare happily at the jello. "I mean, look at it! It's still jiggling! Is it picking up on my blood pressure or something?!" The INTJ chuckles happily while the INTP and the INFJ glance at each other; one of them planning to stop the supply of pain medication, the other deciding to try to distribute more. 

INTJ: "All those years without jello...Missing out!...You can just...slurp it down!" 

The INTP smirks and resolves to find the bottle of pain medication.

Young INXX Relative Texting INTP After Finding Blog: 

"Now I'm thinking about microwaving animals. ...Wait, No! I'm not thinking about actually microwaving them, just what would happen were I to do that."

INTP is sitting on the couch reading old blog posts and checking stats. Sees post about microwaving animals. Their eyes widen and abruptly throws self across the couch and shouts triumphantly in the general direction of the bathroom. "THEIR BLOOD BOILS!" Waits for response. 

INFJ, calmly from their wingback chair without looking up says: "INTJ is probably out taking care of the chickens."

INTP goes to the door and opens it, and screams: "THEY PROBABLY DO EXPLODE! THEIR BLOOD BOILS!"  Waits for response. Stomps out into the snow, shouting again while looking for INTJ. No response. Looks about. Rounds the shed and notices INTJ was within hearing distance but evidently ignoring INTP. INTP approaches and the INTJ is finally aware of words aimed in their general direction. INTP tries again. "Hey! Didn't you hear me? They DO explode! Their blood boils." INTP smirks triumphantly. 

**********

Meanwhile, the INTJ has grumpily gone outside and is wrestling with their task. They register a strange noise, but attribute it to some idiot yelling in the Christmas tree farm across the road and ignore it. When the shouting comes again, they begin mentally swearing about idiots who can't just pick a tree quietly.

The shouting becomes more distinct and is now recognizable as the INTP, but the INTJ is busy and lets the INTP approach to a more reasonable distance before beginning a conversation.

**********

INTP: GNKXKSORNFNKSKPAKDN!!!!

INTJ: WHAT?

INTP: (with a demented grin) Their blood boils!

INTJ: What?

INTP: Live animals. When you microwave them their blood boils and that's why they explode. Why were you ignoring me?

INTJ: I thought you were some idiot yelling in the tree farm.

INTP: *laughs*

INTJ: But why would the fact of the blood boiling make them explode?

INTP: *sags* Dunno.

**********

In the house, the INFJ sits in their chair, ignoring the texts from the Faerie Queen. It's been a busy day and more socialization is not appealing right now.

Never Ever

TEXTING: 

INTP: I just saw a video of a cow giving birth on instagram. It was gross. I am NEVER having kids. 

INTJ: You do realize you are not a cow, right? 

INTP: The concept is still the same!! Bloody NEVER.

INTP: *microwaving food* Hey, what's with that thing where animals explode if you microwave them?

INTJ: What?! That's stupid. When you put an animal in a microwave it becomes what is technically known as cooked. Why would it explode?

INTP: Live animals.

INTJ: I still don't see how it could explode.

INTP: Ah.

*short silence*

INTP: Actually the reason I ask is I know where there's a dead squirrel in the yard.

INTJ: Oh. Let's warm up the burritos first, and didn't you say it had to be a live animal?

Behind The Scenes

*while trying to co-author a post*

INTP: Do you think we should say "INTP and INTJ together" so it's clear it's the same people as before?

INTJ: We did. It's called a conjunction. 

INTJ:  And if people can't figure that out they shouldn't be reading it.

INTP: Wow, that was dripping with condescension.

INTJ: Condensation? *laughs. The INTP does not*

~ five minutes later ~

The exact same argument takes place.

INTP: Nice.

Introduing the INFJ

INFJ: *looking in the fridge* What are all these containers doing in here?!

INTP: Just chilling! . . . hey, that was an amazing pun. *smirks*

INTJ: AAAAAAARRGH

INFJ: what

INTP and INTJ: CHILLING. THE FOOD IS CHLLING. IN THE FRIDGE. 👹

INTP: *tries to dramatically flip invisible cloak*

INTP: *falls over*

INTJ: *laughs, keeps walking without waiting*

(Random conversation)

INTJ: "...Yeah, I don't even remember high school."

INTP: "I hated high school. Wait.... You don't remember high school?"

INTJ: "No."

INTP: How do you not remember that? I remember my own birth!" (The INTP looks at the INTJ incredulously.)

INTJ: "Really? Was it interesting?"

INTP: "Well, maybe not my birth, I think my earliest memory is from when I was around two. I remember people cooing at me and thrusting toys in my face. It was very upsetting.

INTP: *is reading Harry Potter for the first time and keeps reading the Weasley twins' antics aloud and laughing*

INTJ: *also laughing* ''So, are you going to join the Fred Weasley Death Denial Support Group when you finish it?"

INTP: "Yeah, I — what?! He dies?! I didn't know that!" *sarcastically* "Thanks a lot."

INTJ: ''I thought things that lived under rocks knew that!"

INTP: "WELL I DIDN'T.''

~ a few minutes later ~

INTJ: *slides over to INTP* "Hey, you wanna know what happens 
to Dumbledore —''

INTP: "NO.''

INTP: *driving*

INTJ: *thinking* ''Hmm, some road construction signs.'' *notices a trench across the road where it has been dug up and filled in with gravel* "I wonder if they will notice that." 

*car rapidly approaches trench*

INTP: *slams on brakes just before trench and bounces over it "^%*#! Where did that come from?! Why didn't you tell me?"

INTJ: ''I wondered if you would notice that." *laughs*

INTP: ''I was thinking.''

~ an hour later, coming back along the same road ~

INTP: *still driving*

INTJ: *still looking at the road construction signs* "I wonder if they will remember this bump in the road. Doesn't look good, though.''

INTP: *again slams on brakes just before the trench and bounces over it* "Oh hell, I did it again why didn't you tell me?"

INTJ: "I can't believe you did it again." *laughs even harder*

INTJ: I just stuck the end of my iPad charger in my coffee cup.

INTJ: It made a cute plopping noise.

INTP: Is the J turning into a P? That sounds like something I would do. 

INTJ: No, my hand slipped.

INTP: Ah. I would have probably done it purposely while not really realizing what I was doing. 

INTJ: Also my estimation of the fullness of the cup and the length of the cord was off.

INTJ: "I wonder if I can make really good coffee by plugging it into this outlet 
here . . ."

INTP: "Hey, I just had this thought in the bathroom. If you were stranded in the desert or something and were starving and dehydrated, could you chop off your own arm, cauterize it immediately, and then eat it and drink the blood from your arm to stay alive?"

INTJ *thinks for a moment* "I don't think there is enough blood in your arm."

Texting II

INTP: Is it illegal to order anything with a sharp edge that could be considered a weapon, from China?

INTP: Gah. You are not answering. 

INTP: I am sitting here, with a bright light shining in my face, being interrogated, and I need to know if I have a legal leg to stand on.

INTP: Too late. I died. They skipped the trial. 

INTP: *coffin emoticon*

INTJ: Google it. 

INTJ: Then delete your history if you are worried.

INTP: Make sure my funeral consists of a boat, fire, and cremation. And swords. Don't forget to burn me with my sword.

INTJ: K

INTJ: Do I have to fill the boat with sticks first?

INTJ: Cloak Optional? 

INTJ: How am I supposed to get the sword back? 

INTP: Yes to both, but I would prefer my cloack be burned with me. 

INTP: It is my sword, I burn with it. 

INTJ: I put a lot of work into that sword and I hate swimming.

INTP: Go find Aithusa and make another. 

INTJ: Your nice cloak burns or your nasty old one? I want the nice one. 

INTP: GRRR. Fine.

INTJ: You won't know the difference.

INTP: How pragmatic of you. Yes I will.

Texting 

INTP: "Amazon...has SWORDS."

INTJ: "Can you even ship them?" 

INTP: "Yessssss".

INTJ: "But USPS won't ship weapons." 

INTP: "But FedEx willlllll!"

INTJ: "Are you getting a sword?" 

INTP: >:D